My brain doesn’t hate me. It’s not trying to ruin my life. It was just built wrong.

Here’s one example of how broken it is.

Yesterday, Apple announced their new Vision Pro VR headset. It’s a cool tech and very pricey – like the original Mac. The first podcast I listened to about it said, basically, “We don’t want this, so why are they making it?” A very conservative take from a progressive media organization. One reviewer was blown away by the quality of the eye-tracking tech and other innovations that allow the Vision Pro to work without holding anything in your hand.

You just move your eyes and tap two fingers together.

I was thinking about this and immediately realized what a life changer this would be for paraplegic people: if they could do nothing other than move their eyes and touch their thumbs and forefinger together, this device could open the world to them. And for those who cannot move their fingers, it’s no stretch to imagine a quick double-blink serving the same function. (I believe this already exists for assistive devices.)

And the eye-tracking has nothing to do with what is seen, only where the eyes go. So, with some audio assist, even those with no eyesight could easily use a device like this, which would make for a fully portable assistive device.

The possibilities just as a device to help people with various disabilities are both endless and, to my mind, a source of hope.

So what if it now costs $3,500 and only uses Apple apps? That’s the same as the original Mac, and look at what Apple offers today.

So anyway….

I thought I’d write a piece making these points to post to my TABnet website. I want to start writing there for two reasons: One, to write more. I need to write more. It doesn’t matter what about; I just need to write more and post it without worrying who reads it. Two, having my say in this way feels good. I’m not on Twitter or anywhere else where I can state my opinion, so things get stuck inside. I like saying my say, so even if no one reads it, just writing it out is useful to me.

It’s also a good way to check my thinking.

But, sitting here at my desk, my computer open, and thinking “I should write that piece”, the usual trouble began. My brain, probably as a result of a lifetime of anxiety, depression, and failure (as my brain perceives my life), immediately decided writing was too much work and it was too tired. So I did not even begin.

This happens all the time.

So I made a cup of tea and, without thinking about it much, sat down and started writing this. I have a short amount of time in the mornings when I work, so this is about it. I don’t want to just write these words and stop. I need to post this to my Carpe Bucko website and on Facebook. Will anyone read this?

I don’t care. This isn’t about building a readership. It’s about building a new life, one where I do what I want to do, no matter how tired my brain claims to be. I know my brain isn’t tired; that’s old habit, the scars of my mental unhealthiness. I’ve written this much in just a few minutes; I’m not tired.

And my brain neither hates me nor is trying to ruin my life. It just doesn’t know better.

But it will.